Does Karma Hate Me?: A BLOGPOST

You see, I have been sick for over a week now. After having a cold for about 6 days, my body seemed to have been tired of the sniffles and toilet paper, so it decided to switch to stomach flu. Which SUCKS, because on Christmas day I actually thought I was cured, but the next day my stomach was being a poop. I thought it was just being stupid, so I ignored it and decided to eat regularly, but unfortunately it didn't work. So after a whole day of barely eating anything, I decided to suck it up and take a tums. So all I think is: WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? I don't understand. I'm not a bad person. I don't kick puppies. I eat pie. Is that so bad?

After that I tried sleeping, and thank God it worked. But after realizing what I have been through, I decided to take it easy and sip chicken soup. Fortunately, that worked, and now (I hope) I am cured. My wife* (my friend, blogger, and schoolmate) posted a list of home remedies to make me feel better, which was very sweet (her blog: http://www.widominneon.blogspot.com). I think it is safe to say I can go stuff myself with pizza and Coca-Cola (my stomach heals pretty fast).

Goodbye. To your relief.

*P.S. I don't know if I told you this, but she is not my wife in real wife. So for all you homophobic people, don't worry, I'm not gay. I'm not against it, I just don't want people to make false accusations. Yeah. *

I write to you from my death bed, no wait, I mean sick bed. NO, sick COUCH.

That's right. I'm sick. How'd you guess? This is alarming to me too, for I NEVER get sick. It's just one of those things where it just doesn't happen to me. Last time I was sick was in May, and that was because I had received 3 shots and got a reaction. It's ironic, because earlier this week I was prancing around in the rain with pants and a tank top, no umbrella, rejecting everybody from letting me borrow a coat and such, saying "I never get sick". Now I lie here, after a grueling and exhausting night of regurgitating, blowing my nose every 10 seconds, an extra heavy duty toilet paper by my side (in this case, my best friend), and sipping hot tea, water, and Gatorade, eating nothing but saltines and apples. And to wrap it all up, Christmas is just days away. Will my sickness evaporate by then?

Anyhoo, I don't know why I am venting this out to you, maybe because I need to find away to escape disgusting mucus, or maybe make you feel sorry for me. I need all the love I can get.

Moral of the story: Don't be a hypocrite, don't predict the future. eventually Karma will take over, and you'll find yourself in an icky, toilet paper mess.

Hallelujah! I'm finished. Go on wit your life now, because I don't have one.